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Apples and Brain Damage

I guess I write poetry here, but I'm a songwriter and musician. I'm extremely dysfunctional, Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Borderline Personality disorder.

Start the day right

With a screwdriver and a fight

Pins and needles and pipe dreams and night reams I might scream

If I see your face in the screen once more this week

Pirate Ships

As far as I know
And as long as I’ve known
I am a stranded stranger
And this island is my home

My eyes have seen the blue horizons
My mind has touched the great unkown
A ship in sight it comes in blown
And much to my dismay,
The one they call the captain
Is one I know I know

Satan is a pirate and his ship is hard to see
He’s given up on others, he knows I’ve given up on me
So I lay on my back and look at the sky
While the clouds, my life, my time pass me by
I let myself sink, let myself drown
He can never catch me but he never
Stops bearing down

Two thoughts can exist at one time. But no one fucking gets that.

I can’t read
I can’t write
I can’t fucking type

This is the fucking type of thing
That gets under my skin
And irritates until I’m bleeding
It elates this inner demon
Can’t awake inside screaming
Because I’m a space brain sent reeling
With no feeling and stealing every positive thought that might show and blow it out blended in the smoke after the thirty-second toke.
Or I clamp it down raw when I clamp down on my jaw
On these little toadstools, this little piece of mush that helps me step outside the room

Every thought suspending in my head
That could make a man pause
In wonderment and awe
One me lead him to say “hmmm”
I swallow it with M

This girl will beg of me and plead
To tell her what I’m wondering
Or just be something that is me
I will cease each plead with E






If you would like to

You can drink some

Cancer in a bottle

You can hide away

And die today

No one will find you anyway

I said it must be sad,
The way she felt.
That’s how it always goes,
He’s in love with someone else. 

I make myself so sick
I make myself such an addict
I just walk away from everyone
I hide from myself and I hide from the sun 
I really tried to distance myself from every singe friend I’ve ever made
Hide in the shade of my basement my cave. 
And I have no second thoughts and its not me at all and I absolutely love it
I would do it at all again again again
I just love it! 
All this time I waste and spend I just love it. 
And I hope it doesn’t ever end. 

Isn’t it sad that this is how it goes
The ad goes up to to sell the truck
And make some extra dough
Two men arrive to test the ride
And little did we know
That when those doors closed
That would be the last time
We would see Tim go

I’ve been hungry for days.
In a daze an i deserve it
I’m sitting here at 12:30 it’s late listening to videotape.
In my head
is the only music for the dead.
I’m sitting here sore
with torn tendons and
an ache in my neck
and I’m tired from breaking my back from anxiety and compulsive attacks rearranging the shelves that hold my cups six times in a row and putting 8 loads of dishes trough the dishwasher to make them sparkle when they hardly needed it after I just washed them all by hand.
This isn’t poetry anymore, no
This is just me screaming woe is me, we will see if I wake up tomorrow.
I’m sitting here a fat piece of shit looking at a fat piece of shit wondering if I can or will actually eat it.
I probably should because I’m getting sick.
I’ve seen this game played out
I’ve seen how its run
I’ve watched people burn and die
and I want my turn
its my idea of fun.